BURN OUT

In the entangling jungle of loose ends and thinning threads
I attempt a way out…
Often losing my way…
As Kurt has uttered so truly…
I’d rather burn out…
Than fade away…

Every time I am bruised
I swear not to fall into traps so vicious…
I keep away, I am wary…
But the eternal quest takes control
I build a shield all around me, am cautious…
But the silent war leaves me dreary…

I am human, not a robot
Still I program myself not to feel
To live through my Today, forget Tomorrow
To snap out of reveries and face real deal…

Don’t think am complaining
It’s just some melancholy talking…
Life has been too good for me
Am thankful to Him for blessing me…

Don’t judge me or curse me
I have my share of unmet expectations
No matter how much I refrain, they manifest themselves
And words are my only means of expression

So again I delve into the murky world of my mind
Searching for an ember or an emerald that would shine
A gem that I’ll treasure forever
But I find too much mud, filth
An absence of trust, a lot of stealth
A broken piece of glass that bleeds my finger…


And again in the entangling jungle of loose ends and thinning threads
I attempt a way out…
Often losing my way…
As Kurt has uttered so truly…
I’d rather burn out…
Than fade away…

©Manashi Pathak

‘Loserville’

Lost I am in the dark, slimy woods of ‘Loserville’…
Wandering aimlessly, slipping, tripping…
I grope around and I grasp a viper
No beam of hope reach this horrid underground.

This is my ‘Loserville’ and I grope around…

I didn’t heed the wise words of friends
Now I am caged in this globe of thorny fence
Leeches, bugs, scorpians all around
Its hopelessness, fear, despair is all I’ve found

This is my ‘Loserville’ and I grope around…

I have wounds rotting
And puss oozing…
Even the pain doesn’t hurt me
I’ve gone numb
I can’t even see my sears
M not blind, but darkness prevail and I m bound

This is my ‘Loserville’ and I grope around…

My death is near,
Lurking somewhere
But the road to it
Is worse than death itself…

And I struggle in my ‘Loserville’ as I wait and grope around…

©Manashi Pathak

Embers

Embers


The sultry evenings are left in yore
Feeling the cool breeze and hoping for more

Warming up by the first bonfire
I listen to the words of the lovely zephyr
It talks to me in hushes n claps
It comes and caresses me
Making me comfy and fresh
And makes me yearn for some warmth
Yearn for that coziness of the woolen on a freezing morn

Looking into the embers
Amidst cacophony, its peace I find
The steady glow of smouldering cinder
Gives direction to my cluttered mind…

I delve into the warm thoughts of tomorrow
Awaiting cozier days to come
Forgetting every scorching day of the past
Am filled with hope and miseries none…

As the dying cinder beacons
And I breathe life into the fire…
Emerging from the eclipse of the ashes, so flaky and gray
I see the golden exuberance of the ember

And I resolve to never let die the ember of my life
Never will I forget to fan out the ashes …….

©Manashi Pathak

The Final Episode

The Final Episode


What’s the scheme of things?
Is what I ask when I look back
Look back; look back to the underground…
Into the grave, into the epitaph that’s blank
Words won’t fit in, don’t qualify

Reasons fail me when I look back
Look back; look back to the day our tracks crossed…
Running over, no wonder
Catastrophe lay ahead
To leave me shattered, numb…
I bleed, cry dry tears…
For things gone wrong, hellish years…

Too much, too much chaos, noise to carry on…
Shut the door, voice & move on…

The haunting questions still roam my valley
I exorcise with a silver cross and water holy…
I tame it; throw away to distant universe…
But it gives no promise to never return…

Doubts to be cleared, smog all around
With no folly of mine, with explanations unsound…
I am convicted with no crime…
I’m a framed victim, a criminal to the end of time…


©Manashi Pathak

M Fyn!

M Fyn! (9th nov. 2007)


“Everybody says “m fyn”
n I wonder why is it not ‘fine’?
why is it so fast an answer?
what does fine mean to him?
Is everyone really fine?
How can anyone be fine
When for self he lacks time?
Why do we say we r fyn?
Jz to sound kool?
Jz to sound happy?
Why do we pretend?
Are we insecure?
Or are we so sad…
So broken that we can’t face reality?
And escape it n say “m fyn”.

Hw u doin?
“M good”
How good are we?
Jz following a routine…
Makin ends meet
Like all inanimate objects
Lacking passion, enthu…
N boy…ya… “m good”
So satisfied being mundane…
Don’t we have regrets?
Unattended wishes…
Hushed desires…
To do things..jz for the sake of doing…
N not cz u really love to do it…

How many of us…have really listened…
To voices…to the voice of things we really love to do
Things we’ll never get tired of…
Things doing which we’ll never wanna return n hit the bed…

Questions, questions…always hover, shout out loud…
And answers…..
Hehe…well thts another ballgame…
Jz lets enjoy the questions…
Cz goddamn we never listened to our passions…
Let alone these mundane questions…

Gnite, tc, cya.”

©Manashi Pathak

The Fountainhead

jz finishd readin it............
i wanna correct myself....from the previous blog....
i dont wish any midway to balance anything.............
Roark.........is a man of integrity..........who respects himself...........n i need not say here tht self respect is any man's greatest possession, strength,........his soul...........
to me to preserve one's soul intact shud b the prime concern..........n all suffering wud vanish........if everyone.....dares to follow tht........
i'll make my best effort...........m on it ......n hw successful i m .............time wud tell.........
i cant say if i wud remember every great line written by Miss Rand...........but yes.......... she has succeeded in formin a clear picture of the ideologies......the value system tht i hav been given by my family.......
letz jz not get too much philosophical...n all.........
but if only all second-handers dissapeared n everyone dared for originality...............life wud hav been much more beautiful...n peaceful.......
neways............great readin it.......n i recommend to all........u'll jz need a lil bit of patience........a virtue one shud hav....rite?

The Fountainhead

well m readin it....n m really baffled by the sheer ability of Ayn Rand to portray all those varied STRONG characters so vividly.....no doubt m readin the centennial edition....
Roark is a man of integrity n ideals..................he lives for architecture............
Keating is SELFISH and lives for himself...sorry ...for the image ppl will have of him.......in simple words a show off.........
Roark is apparantly failin......n Keating is a failure to himself his conscience.......which he killd long back.........
now wat kinda person m i? i wonder......
i blv in ideals n m not so weak to kill my conscience ........i hav the guts to lisn to it.....n go accordingly.........but material success matters........money matters..........
i juz pray to the Supreme..........to giv me enuf strength to walk a path that balances it off.....
n i emerge a victor both for my conscience n my material being........
n rest of the characters........Elsie, Wynand.........etc r juz the kind of ppl we'll come across........
so i keep a reminder to myself..............1st impressions........shouldnt b last impressions............
so long........